between books and buttons

Books are officially closed for the summer.
And before I have to slip into button downs and the occasional suit, I have a small window of freedom. Well, I have a growing list of things that need to get done, but that comes after I regroup, mentally assess the mess that my life and apartment are in, and say fuck it for now and fall asleep without worrying about anything.
I have incredibly selfish plans for the next few days. They mostly involve doing whatever the fuck I want, mostly on my bike, mostly by myself. I have miles and miles of training to catch up on, places I want to pedal to, and that ever-persistant obligation to fall asleep in bliss and not wake up until late morning. And if that wasn't enough, there are beers to be consumed, Americanos to be sipped, and cookies to be baked and eaten.

Oh, right, and hats to make. Running to the grocery store after a quick post-exam ride, I parked next to a bright red Iro. Coming out of the store, I met its owner, who greeted me with:
"Hey, I know you from the Internet!"
I have to fix a hat for him. I was planning on putting that off until tomorrow, or the next day...but the guilt's winning out. So, I'm starting that tonight...after purging my inbox, a cup of coffee, and being completely lazy.
It's going to be a struggle getting that last one done, though, I can feel it already.

muddy optimism

I'm really bad at being optimistic. Once, in a stupidly foolish moment of one-sided confidence, I declared my conviction that people in general just aren't really interested in what anyone else has to say. They only care if you're interested in what they're interested in. If not, their interest in you is directly correlated to how attractive they think you are.
Horrified, my then-confidante looked at me as if I had just killed a bunny, and then informed me that I was probably "too jaded for [my] own good."
Maybe. But I have a point. I mean, there's an irrationally rational reason why I love bike mechanics that work on my bike: they fix and take care of the most important thing in my life. You get the same effect from mothers when you coo over their not-so-attractive children, or from your friend when you pull out the well-practiced "ohhhhh my god, your new boy is soooooo cute! Where did you find him?" while you make a mental note of never stepping foot in whatever location your new friend found the awkward mess she's currently dating.
And, yes, I am, occasionally, disingenuous.
Like the time I promised everyone that I'm working really hard on hats. Because, um, I really haven't had the time to do that in like...the last two weeks.

Unfortunately, [and contrary to popular belief,] I sometimes have other priorities. Most of which are slowly dragging me under like really wet mud. It's like falling face first into the mud in a 'cross race; but instead of just eating dirt [literally], you find yourself waist-deep in brown goo. And you know that even if you somehow make it out of that cesspool, you still have a hill to climb...with a bike over your shoulder.
Which makes me sort of just want to stay and sink, instead of swim. But apparently there's a finish line, somewhere. So even though every week seems to pitch me into a new pool of mud, I'm still trying to crawl out [and make hats in that narrow margin between climbing the next hill and tumbling into the next obstacle].
I'm pretty sure no one's going to stop and help me out of this mess, unless, of course, it somehow serves their interests. I'm still trying [to make/finish hats] though. I might be jaded, but I'll be damned if anyone calls me a quitter.
[And for the record, I'm not being disingenuous this time.]

hello, 2009!

I’m back in Boston.
Back from the land of anorexically skinny girls, equally slight boys, and faux fixed gear bikes with freewheels but only one brake.
Needless to say, I didn’t do much while back at home. I did mentally review the never-ending goal of losing five pounds while I stuffed my face with food and stopped exercising (I don’t have a bike at home and I don’t like to run, okay?). It did occur to me how monstrous I was going to look when I was suited back up in my Underarmour but I don’t think I cared.
But if it this makes me look slightly less lazy, I at least got something done:

Here’s to a new year, a new site, new hats, and hopefully fulfilling new year’s resolutions of not being a total waste of life...at least, not all of the time.

boldsprints!

While I've never been masochistic enough to get on a pair of rollers, head to head with another person, and pedal like crazy for one full minute, I still feel an obligation to contribute/reward those who choose to engage in such behavior.

Which is why two s*class hats will be given to the top male and top female racers tonight at the Boldsprints event.

Want a hat for free? Check out All Asia from 7pm tonight!

presents!

I passed a chipmunk the today that had been perfectly smushed against the pavement. Well, I passed it a few days in a row now (it's on my commute) and as gross as it is, I still tend to pass right by it. And I look at it. Like every day.

Okay, I'm definitely not going to pick it up and play with it, but somehow, I can't seem to tear my eyes away from that little striped back that's plastered onto the asphalt.

I've kind of developed the same kind of relationship with my mailbox lately. It only seems to bring disappointment; I actually preferred it when it was empty or full of junk mail. Still, I consistently find myself nearly running to check what might be in store in that little metal box every single goddamn day.

It did yield some presents though, in the form of fabric destined for hats. Thank my Mom; these are going to make some sweet hats!

redundant re-runs

Re-runs are great; there are some shows you can watch over and over and over again. And on those days you can barely drag yourself out of bed, starving but too hung over to actually make anything to eat, the warm glow of Law and Order marathons are God's gift to the now-latent raging alcoholic in you. They justify sitting on the couch all day. With a beer.

But you know, it sucks when your life becomes one.

Because while mindlessly watching TV re-runs at least gives you the pretense that you're doing something productive, that's not really the case when it's applied to your life. You just become something boring to look at, because nothing else is around, or something only tolerated because flipping through the channels is too much of an effort.

Which is kind of how I've been feeling lately. Cut, sew, finish, drop off, blog, silence, repeat. For some reason, Boston just doesn't seem to like my hats. And for some reason, people in other cities do. I've been putting off making hats for friends in other cities ("yeah, sure, after I finish these three hats I want to give out..."), and have had the word "commission" tossed my way (whatever that means). So for all the friends I've been neglecting, and to all the people who have asked for a hat...well, something seems to be in the works.

But Boston, what gives?