“So, say you’re an omnipotent superhero,” he started, “and Country A and Country B launch nukes at each other. You throw those nukes into orbit so they don’t hit anything, but you can still use them. How would you punish Country A and Country B?”
“Well, why do they hate each other?” I said.
“Does it matter? They just do.”
“Well, yeah, it does. If it’s based on race or religion, I’d make it so people in Country A and Country B couldn’t tell someone’s race or religion,” I said.
“Look,” he said, the way people do when you tell them you’d save the bulk of a hypothetical $10 million lottery win, as if that’s not a completely reasonable answer, “I know you’re a good person, but you have to punish these people.”
“Mmm,” I said, around a mouthful of fries, “okay.”
He looked at me, waiting for a response.
“I’m thinking,” I said, to buy some more time to absorb my incredulity at being described as a good person. Like someone caught red-handed trying to pass off the suspicious conduct as casual and definitely not what it actually is, I feigned deep thought as I mentally tucked away the answer to the question of how fast I would have sold him out earlier in the day, had we gotten in trouble.
That particular conversation had taken place in a McDonald’s in Miyazaki after well-laid travel plans had unraveled into another misadventure. Our initial itinerary had us out of the hotel in Kumamoto by 8 a.m. and at Takachiho Gorge by 9 a.m., where the boat rentals started at 8:30. We’d then planned to covertly fly Jwizzle’s drone through the gorge before driving down to Hyuga to see the Sea-Cross, Ryugo Udo Shrine, and Umagase.
The path to Takachiho Gorge.
Takachiho Gorge.
View from the boat dock.
We’d arrived just past 8:30 a.m., which meant that we had to park in a second parking lot farther away from the gorge. From that parking lot, there’s a 10-minute scenic walk through the gorge which was largely empty when we wandered through. Despite arriving at the boat dock around 8:45 a.m., there was already a 60-meter long line for the boats. We were able to get a reservation with an hour-long wait. As we browsed the gift shop in the meantime, the lady behind the counter told us that the boat rentals had been closed all summer due to heavy rain. The timing of our visit was apparently fortuitous.
An hour later, we were on a rowboat with a thirty-minute time limit. We struggle-rowed through the relatively narrow gorge as I quickly discovered that actually rowing a boat is not nearly as easy as operating a rowing machine. With approximately twelve boats in the water at once, there was a lot of gentle bumping and jostling in the water, all of us awkwardly yet politely trying to navigate towards a good spot for a unique photograph. As we neared the waterfall, I contorted myself into different positions to take the kind of pictures that are the métier of unappreciated boyfriends of Instagram-famous women. I hit the shutter button as a ray of sunlight lit the base of the waterfall and felt a surge of validation and pride. It was met with a tepid response.
View from the bridge at Takachiho Gorge.
Approximately 500 pictures later, we hustled back to shore, returned our life vests and climbed back towards the road overlooking the gorge. There, we found a brief stretch of asphalt where Jwizzle could discreetly launch his drone; as he manipulated the console, I stood by casually, shielding eyes from what we were actually doing and stealing glances at his phone screen.
And then we dropped the drone.
Jwizzle’s phone screen suddenly went blank and a brief second later, his drone had decided to descend onto a rock approximately 20 meters away from the waterfall. In a panic, he shoved his dead phone at me and took off running. I lost him at a fork in the road and accidentally headed towards the parking lot. 15 minutes later, finding an empty car, I weaved my way back through an increasingly dense crowd of Chinese tourists and found him agitated yet slightly relieved. The drone wasn’t in the water, but we’d have to get on a boat to get it back. I was sweating profusely.
By the time we signed up for another boat, it was already late morning and there was a 2.5 hour wait time. We killed time by losing each other again, necessitating yet another trip through the gorge to the parking lot and back. I offered to claim ownership of the drone and ask the boat operators to recover it, but that was quickly rejected. We waited near the boat dock, anxious, when a boat operator suddenly took off through the gorge on a motor boat. He came back a few minutes later with the damp drone, which we finally claimed before hauling ass out of the area.
With a key member of our team drying (and possibly, dying) in the back seat, we headed east towards Hyuga. Our first stop was the Ryugo Udo Shrine which required getting lost (again) through a winding, wooded path that climbed up before descending down towards the shore. As we neared the mouth of the cave where Ryugo Udo Shrine is located, a sign loudly cautioned us that the path would be steep. We confirmed the veracity of that statement upon arriving at the last ten steps to the cave, which consisted of a pile of wet rocks that vaguely resembled stairs.
Heading down to Ryugo Udo Shrine.
Ryugo Udo shrine from the outside.
Ryugo Udo Shrine from inside the cave.
Still, we managed to make it down to a gorgeous view. They say you can see a dragon rising if you look out towards the mouth of the cave from the shrine. I apparently lacked the imagination to see that particular beast, but it definitely paralleled my mental image of the empty sack that was my shrunken stomach.
Having foolishly decided that this was the day to break my addiction to Coke, I’d subsisted on water and mints for the past 6 hours. After the delay due a dropped drone, we were in a rush to get to Hyuga before the sun set. We scrambled out of the cave where Ryugo Udo Shrine is located and a short drive took us to the Sea Cross, a cross-shaped coastal inlet. It’s a naturally occurring seascape that’s impressive on its own, but someone clever in the tourism industry apparently also noticed that the inlet can look like the Japanese character for 叶う, which means when something, like a wish or desire, has been granted. To add to the hyped romanticism of the locale, there’s a large bell that’s been installed where one – or more probably, couples – can make their wishes. Jwizzle clanged it loudly and unceremoniously and my plea for chicken nuggets apparently went unheard.
The Sea Cross.
At this point, I had no idea where we were headed next. We were on the eastern edge of Miyazaki, traveling along wooded roads devoid of convenience stores or any other source of nourishment. A short drive from the Sea Cross took us to Umagase, where we could see the vertical rock formations of the cliffs reach out towards the sea. We followed the signs to two viewpoints, the last which took us down to a point overlooking the shore where we peered over the edge and watched the waves crash against the rocks. The view was incredible. I thought of meringue and Mallomars.
Umagase cliffs.
Umagase viewpoint.
Cape Hyuga.
Path up from the viewpoint.
A couple hours later, I learned there was a god as Jwizzle pulled into a McDonald’s and we ordered and inhaled 2,000 yen worth of food. I would regret it later as we watched South Africa beat Japan in the Rugby World Cup and the McDonald’s burps would plague me until, exhausted, we pulled into a service area to sleep for a few hours before finally making it back to the hotel. Once horizontal, I had a second to muse over the fact that Jwizzle somehow believed screwing with two entire country’s worth of people’s psychology wasn’t a punishment, and fell fast asleep.
TL;DR – I Just Want Travel Tips Section
- Get to Takachiho early. We arrived at 8:45 and still had to wait an hour; by late morning the boat rentals were done for the day and there was a 3+ hour wait. You can check the status of boat rentals here. If there’s been a stretch of heavy rain or bad weather, the boat rentals may not be available when you visit.
- Cape Hyuga (where the Sea Cross, Umagase, and Ryugo Udo Shrine are located) was relatively deserted when we went, but they’re worth a visit. You’ll want to rent a car to get to these spots.