lazy friday
Apologies but it's been slightly busy around here. I promise to be back in full force next week. Until then, here's a Rapha Scarf Friday for you...
Happy Labor Day weekend!
twilight zone
I thought it was hilarious when Representative Barney Frank asked a woman, who compared planned health care reforms to Nazi policies, "on what planet do you spend most of your time?"
In a way, that's not such a rhetorical question when you're in Massachusetts.
I was hoping the crazy was limited to the rare isolated instance that I was just unlucky enough to observe. But unlocking my bike today, I realized how very, very wrong I was. Either that or I'm in some twilight zone or simply going insane. It's getting hard to tell.
Someone please confirm that it's actually 2009. Because when I saw this helmet, I sort of looked around feeling slightly displaced, then had to look at the date stamped onto it one more time. I mean, I know vintage is in, but...really?
I was sort of still trying to remember what I was doing back in '94 when I ended up stumbling upon the laziest lock-up job I've seen in the past week. It actually made me do a double-take as I initially thought that the cable lock on the left was only looped around the brake cable [it was looped around the handlebars]. Granted, neither bike looked like it was worth stealing, but come on! I feel like I'm taking crazy pills, or something [+100 points if you got that movie reference]!
And while I'm really loving that stem on the left, that doesn't mean I'm not a different planet. Because the other day, I also parked right next to what had to be E.T.'s new bike. With a seat that low, and upright positioning, the owner of this bike has the shortest legs and the longest torso currently known to man. I was tempted to wait around to see who owned it, but images of a glowing finger pointing at me were sufficient to scare me away [I never liked aliens, even friendly ones].
It could be the schoolwork, and the hours spent in front of a glowing laptop screen. It could also be the copious amounts of hot water flavored with essence of coffee that I've been voluntarily buying and consuming at school. But this strikes normal, non-Bostonians as slightly fucking insane, right? I'm not the only one who thinks this...right???
Someone please let me know if I'm in some "I am Legend"-esque situation here. And yes I'm dead serious.
appreciating filth
At lunch with my handful of law school friends, we ended up joking around about how we were convinced one of our professors ate crickets all day [yeah, don't ask]. A girl at the end of the table - one I had never spoken to before - shrugged, saying:
"Well, I bet there's a lot of protein in crickets."
"Yeah, but you can say the same thing about jizz too; doesn't mean both aren't completely disgusting to consume," I responded.
Her jaw dropped as I managed to finally snap mine shut. Oh shit, was I not in a bike shop?
Hang out at a bike shop for long enough and you end up in a blissful bubble of bicycles and jokes that go beyond "dirty" and enter into the realm of "completely socially unacceptable." Loiter constantly at one and you inevitable end up joining in on the crude jokes. Conversations concerning various bodily orifices and fluids become the norm. Nothing is off limits.
Which is a problem [apparently] when you have to go back to the professional graduate school environment of law school.
Not to mention that, on top of all trying to adjust to the school work, classes, and the concept of no free time, the last thing I needed to find out was that my sense of decency was as calloused as my hands. Sure, my go-to group of friends are all male; but that doesn't mean they aren't sometimes staring at me in disbelief. I hate to admit it, but even after a mere three months away, it takes a little time to adjust to social situations in which I'm actually the most obscene mouth around, not the least.
So, mindful of the company I'm in, I've been trying to keep things civil, muting my inner sailor while minimizing human contact. I feel like a fish out of water.
But just when I was trying to come up with a bike part or accessory that would lead me into the comfortable depths of a bike shop, and consequently the warm embrace of inappropriate jokes, an email popped into my inbox. Subject line: "quote of the day..."
"...from Brett..." it continued. Sent from inside a bike shop, I was immediately crinkling my nose is disgust. But smiling too. It's good to know [at least some] bike people share my disgustingly crude sense of humor.
giving chase
I hate the whole concept of playing hard to get, but that doesn't mean I don't appreciate a good chase.
Because you want the potential significant other to match you in terms of wits, humor, and even style. And if you're as neurotic as I am and you go so far as to check out another person's gruppo, you want them to at least match - if not exceed - your power to weight ratio too.
So I've been doing a little chasing these past few days. You know, just for fun. Because, as they say, "the day you stop looking is the day you die."
Too bad there's another mantra that also says, "when you decide to start looking, there will be nothing to look at." I dusted everything in my path on the way to school and back. On one gear. They had quite a few.
Of course, I paid the price later, embarrassing rivers of sweat erupting all over my body as I bought my case books. The worst part being that it didn't even seem worth it; I wasn't hurting enough. My lungs didn't feel like they were going to collapse. My throat wasn't trying to vomit out my heart. I wasn't sucking in air so hard my eyeballs hurt. That spark just wasn't there.
Resigned at the outcome of my boring commute, I dragged my pedals to Kinko's after class. But as I unlocked my bike, I saw him. Mystery IBC kit guy. Very cute, very fit, and very very married. I knew I wasn't going to catch him, and that totally turned me on.
My womanly resolve of "I WILL NOT TAKE NO FOR AN ANSWER!!!!111!1" kicked in and I chased. And chased and chased and chased. He easily slid away, and caught at a red light I couldn't possibly run, I watched him disappear. Sigh.
If only I had gears. But then again, maybe I shouldn't be considering trying to wreck a happy home.
t time
You know when you end up walking behind a couple, and they're holding hands and cooing to each other and giggling and also blocking the entire sidewalk? And then you try to either walk past them or slow down so you're not overhearing them murmuring cutesy things to each other but it winds up just being more awkward because they don't notice you're trying to pass them so you end up literally two steps behind them for an embarrassing length of time? And when they finally notice all you can do is mutter some lame apology as they let you pass by?
I hate that. And that frustrating impatience you feel when you get stuck behind an oblivious couple on the sidewalk is the the reason why I cannot take the T. Anywhere.
Maybe it's because I'm used to the clean, almost sterile efficiency of the Japanese public transit system, but waiting for a train that's clearly on the schedule of "I'll show up whenever the fuck I decide to" is mind-boggling. Add to that the fact that I am, without a doubt, faster than the Green Line and I'll prefer to bike everywhere. Even the Red Line sort of repels me.
And recently, I'm really glad I don't take the T. Because as irresponsible as I am, I just couldn't tolerate dying via a train conductor who is too busy texting. Or something equally retarded.
No, I am not paranoid. Running errands around Coolidge Corner, I heard the wailing scream of a transit police car booking it down Beacon. I figured it couldn't be more exciting than a fender-bender in the bougie suburbs of Brookline. But passing Washington Square, I saw an inordinate number of po-po [remember, this is civilized Brookline, not Dorchester], an ambulance, and a train. It looked like someone got hit.
Granted with the speed of the Green Line, the victim probably got nudged a little. And because this is Beacon, not Comm, it's not like there was any risk of getting hit by a train and then flying into speeding traffic. Still, that shit is scary.
One more reason I'll be throwing a leg over a bicycle all winter. And besides, being crammed into a stuffy, airborne-germ-infested train car also means increased risk of exposure to those cuddling couples. Which would be enough to make me jump off the T, anyway.
I'll take my chances on the bike with the unpredictable drivers, traffic, ice, and snow, thanks.