So, yes, I did watch Paris-Roubaix on Sunday. Yes I saw FabCan dominate the last 45km and be all like PEACE OUT, BITCHES!!!!, and yes I saw Boonen come in a measly fifth. And yes, there is now a dope t-shirt about the events of last Sunday.
And yes, I finally got back on my bike yesterday.
While I would love to say that I dominated my Dover ride with the ease of FabCan, it was a lot more like Boonen’s attempt at a sprint. I thought things were going okay, picked up the pace a little with what power I thought I had in my legs, and then realized that three days off the bike is about two too many. The leg that usually doesn’t hurt that much started to hurt on the way back. Now my IT band is ever so slightly bothering me. Ugh.
Oh yeah, and if you didn’t catch it on Twitter, I had an awesome saddle sore to keep me company, too.
Did you think I was going to post a picture of it? YOU DID, DIDN’T YOU? I’ll spare you. Mostly because I’m sure you’ve all seen one before on your own respective asses. I usually get mine in the most uncomfortable places [although I guess any saddle sore is uncomfortable], and I’ve learned in my two years of cycling that there really isn’t much of a cure. I mean, you’re always given the choice of tolerating it or trying to lance [Armstrong] it, but the end result is the same kind of disgusting.
But here are a few things I’ve learned from trolling the Internet in desperation the first few times I’ve gotten one. Some of it specifically for the ladies, of course:
1. Laser Hair Removal > Trimming > Waxing > Shaving. Some people say waxing solves their problems while others say that it makes things better but requires a lot of regular exfoliation. Pick your poison, just don’t shave.
2. Wear proper shorts. Not doing so is the number one reason I get these things on the regular.
3. Try to keep things clean and dry once you do get one and don’t irritate it. Saddle sores = the only reason I might sleep without underwear on.
4. Neosporin is your friend. I’ve heard acne medicine works to reduce it too; basically anything that’ll dry it out and suck all the bad stuff out at the same time [has anyone tried baking soda?]. Some people swear by using those corn pads if it’s really bothering you [I’ve never tried it]. Epsom salt baths help to an extent...but who wants to take baths in the summer?
5. If you do lance it, disinfect religiously. I don’t even want to think about what would happen if you don’t.
6. If it’s huge, go see a doctor. There’s a reason I’m in law school: because I was too stupid to get into medical school. So remember that this isn’t proper, professional medical advice. I’ve heard of saddle sores as big as golf balls and if that’s what you’ve got...sorry, dude. I can’t help you.
Oh, and don’t be shy about asking around. Everyone who has ever put in decent miles on a bike has gotten one of these at some point in their lives, and I’m sure someone out there has some kind of cure-all for this that I don’t know about. Case in point: Mike bought Bag Balm when he got one. It’s for cow udders and is made in part from sheep bladder.
He claims it worked. To each his own [saddle sore cure]...right?