rollercoaster ride

I was in tip top temper tantrum form yesterday. And although I knew I didn't have any right to be, I was angry at myself for sounding so lame in my apology.
I was biting back a cocktail of anger, stress, and general exhaustion combined with a knee that felt like it was splitting in half as I rode back home. UPS told me my pink, front rim was waiting for me at home and I managed to drag it into my apartment, totally beat. I wasn't even that excited about it.
And just for shits and giggles, I decided to check my normally-empty-save-for-the-rent-check mailbox. And found this:

Sent from Georgia from an old college boyfriend, just when I was starting to despair that the only person who gave a shit about my day was the homeless disabled guy that calls me sweetheart and hangs out outside the liquor store, it made me sit on the floor and cry. The card told me it was for White Day, a holiday totally made up by a bunch of Asian people who figured out that they could sell twice as much chocolate if, on March 14th, they instituted a reverse Valentine's Day where the men have to give the women chocolate/presents/whatever [in Japan, only women are supposed to give stuff to the men on Valentine's Day]. Unexpected and utterly sweet, it lifted most of the black vortex of depressing that was swirling over my head.
A few hours later, I got an email from Erich at IBC and my jaw dropped. And then I almost screamed:

It's so fucking pretty. The decals were coming off from the start but Erich found out that they were over the clear coat but under the matte. He managed to peel them off, sand it down, then spray on a layer of matte to even out the ugliness left by the decals. Vinyl transfer were made, stuck on, and now...just look at her!!!
I knew Erich was awesome but now he is super-duper-omg-are-you-serious?! AWESOME. Looking at that picture nearly made me start panting in anticipation. I got flushed and my heart started beating faster. It got me giggling at my screen.
Sure, she won't be done in time for the Freddy v. Jason alleycat tonight, but in a way, that's for the best. If I'm going to ride a bike this hot, I'm going to have to do some catching up...[but I'll see you all at the afterparty!]
[Good luck to all of those racing!!!]

freddy v. jason

Despite hailing from the land of really twisted psychological thriller movies, I can't watch scary movies. Even the really cheesy fake ones. I end up lying in bed with all the lights on, terrified. I might be considered tough enough to brave the elements on my bike, but anything scarier than "Bambi" will make me wobbly-kneed, bursting into cold sweats, and have my bowels turning into liquid.
Yeah, I'm a huge baby.
So that's my excuse for not having seen this movie. At this point, I'm sure everyone's seen it, so I'd be left to watch it alone. And that's just unacceptable. At least if I want to get some sleep this week.
Ironically, this movie I've never seen had me up late, terrified that I wouldn't make a deadline. And then it had me pissed that I was messing up. And then it had me not working on my legal note because I was too worried about how smoothly the finishing would go.

But, it turned out better than expected, and it's not like I didn't have fun doing it. It was one of the most challenging, shoulder-cramping, blurry-vision inducing things I've done in a while. And the masochist in me loved every...single...frustrating...second of it.
This hat actually got me chattering - a sure sign that I'm excited about something. It had me asking the peeps over at Cambridge Bikes for creative input [4 slashes over 5, even though I'm aware Freddy has 5 claw-finger-things]. It had me showing off a half-finished brim to everyone on the internets...and being the kind of person that zealously guards her workspace, that's a big deal.

I already know one person who's called dibs on the hat, despite not having seen the finished product. He claims he's "gonna win that hat if it's the last thing [he] do[es]." I say everyone who reads this blog should get themselves down to Elm Street this Friday to make it that much harder for him to win. After all, isn't victory that much sweeter when it involves blood bikes, sweat, and tears?
Bring on the alleycats, Cambridge, and I'll bring the prize hats!
[See you at the afterparty!]

guilty panic

I'm currently on spring break...and there just aren't enough hours in the day to get everything done.
I have more than a few deadlines coming up, along with the list of things I should be doing [but am not], the things I have to do [which I'm scrambling to get done] and the things that I'm forcefully making time for [which I don't have to do per se but I need it to stay sane].
And I'm still feeling guilty. I woke up today with this to welcome me. More guilt. It's not finished yet [clearly].

Those four letters took a few good solid hours of straight work. I love the challenge, and anyone that can come up with an interesting, really complicated idea will always get my attention. The whole design for this hat - being made as a prize for the Freddy v. Jason alleycat sponsored by Cambridge Bikes next week - is going to be suh-weeeet.
I just need to get it done. Neurotic worry and guilt are fueling the too-late-night sessions that only end when I realize it's well past midnight and I need to be up and functioning in less than six hours. What can I say, I like to keep my promises. Or, more accurately, I abhor the idea of being considered flaky.
It's too early to worry about this already [hat work starts after dinner]. Still, I'm terrified that the rest of the hat's not going to work out, or I'm somehow going to fuck things up.
And then I sometimes worry [when I'm stressed, moody, and tired...like right now] that no one really gives a shit. Yup, that's right; all you're hearing from me today is "wah wah wah." Which means it's time I got off the Internet [at least for a little bit] and go on a bike ride.