layered denial

A few years ago, my "spring break" coincided with Valentine's Day. Finally taking the time to head down to NYC to visit a sister and a best friend I hadn't seen in a small eternity, I walked into an apartment full of...cupcakes. There were about 10 or so cupcakes, all from various donors privy to the fact that my sister's girlfriend has something of a cupcake obsession. The situation escalated into the absurd when my best friend came over for dinner, bringing with her a half dozen, softball-sized Crumbs cupcakes.
After gorging ourselves, we felt obligated to put a dent into the cupcake surplus. But given how large Crumbs cupcakes can be, we modestly cut them into fourths. But 10 minutes into dessert, with all of us dipping back into the tray for "just another piece," my best friend made the following observation:
"We don't we all stop lying to ourselves...we're all going to eat the equivalent of one cupcake."

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It was true. We were in denial, nonetheless, and only assented to that observation after we each demolished at least 3/4 of a cupcake. And this time of year, I'm back to cutting my cupcakes, so to speak. Because in full denial of the current onslaught of winter, instead of perhaps wearing a proper jacket, I'm leaving the house in layers: long-sleeved Underamour, leggings, jeans, knee high socks, fleece jacket, soft shell jacket, and a down vest. Add to that a giant Ortlieb bag, helmet, and Pearl Izumi AmFIBs, and I look like a colorblind Ninja Turtle [my jacket and hat are red...the down vest dark green]. But hey, it keeps me on the bike, and that's the important part.
Because fully in finals mode, too little time is spent in the saddle. Countless hours are clocked in in front of a desk, and the Bianchi only gets ridden when I manage to find an excuse to venture outside. But when I do, whether I'm bundled up to the gills or relishing the absurdly warm weather we had earlier this week, I'm savoring.

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And not only because I've been filling up on some awesomely good vegan yumminess [read: curried split pea soup from "Vegan With A Vengeance"]. Sure, it could be my body finally getting some Vitamin D, but the motion of pedals and the feel of the frosty wind that's preventing me from actually moving forward are oddly appreciated this time of year. Even short rides to the grocery store to pick up something I didn't really need - but convinced myself I should get to alleviate the cabin fever - are fun, despite their simplicity and lack of length. With windows wide open at night, I'm doing too much time on the rollers, too. So as the hours and days dwindle down to that Corporate Tax exam that I'm so not prepared for, I'm clinging to both of my bikes as if they were security blankets of tax law knowledge.

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And somehow, there's a complete lack of that feeling I usually get around exam time, where I panic and productively spend my time wishing I could hit a magic "Pause" button and buy myself some time and comprehension. None of that feeling of my bowels going through a blender when I see the days disappearing on my calendar, either. Even if studying is getting done at the pace I ride the rollers [i.e., slowly].
But then again, I just might be waist-deep in denial. Attempting to take a power nap a few days ago resulted in dreams plagued by conflicting tax provisions. But...ignorance is bliss [until I get my grades back], right?