floyd, lance, and snow

With the SI article on Lance [nothing new, as most of us found out after reading all 5 pages of it], rumors that Lance might not be able to get out of this one, and blogs almost as influential as mine, like Cyclocosm, commenting on the issue, I figured it was only my duty to add my two cents. I had it all planned out, coming up with sentences like, “it is precisely because sports are not a matter of life and death that there is a need to play fair. To uphold a sense of sportsmanship and moral integrity that we expect of athletes, those who cycle out the purest and perhaps even the most childish of our dreams.”
Yeah, I came up with all that. I actively engaged in coherent sentence generation, mostly while in the shower, which means serious business.
The thing is, anything I say has already been said before, most likely by those more in the know or just more competent at putting together sentences. Such as, with regards to Floyd’s sudden flip-flopping, my favorite Canadian rapper, Snow:

The last verse seems particularly applicable. Although, I guess Floyd already “turn[ed] informer.” Still, I have a soft spot for guys that are into bikes and look like hobbits, so I'm going to let great music speak for Floyd's feelings. Word?
WORD!

cx worlds in nyc

The sky has been dumping snow for most of this week, making life somewhat miserable and prone to cabin fever.
If you're in NYC this weekend though, there are a couple of reasons to get your ass out of bed early. NYC Velo is holding a viewing party for the Cyclocross World Championships on Sunday morning. If the cyclocross isn't enough incentive, well, there's always the promise of muffins and coffee [and who can't use a good cup of coffee at 8.00 in the morning?] and some cool peeps to hang out with.

Unfortunately I won't be there [thus diminishing the cool factor, I know] but every viewing party I've been to at Velo has been awesome. So, go, have fun, make new friends. It might be ass-early in the morning, but I guarantee you'll forget about the miserable weather.

sufferfest: making life more difficult

Sometimes I think I deliberately try to make life more difficult for myself.
Like how I am currently stuck in Albany, NY, in a hotel with no room service. It wasn’t as if I didn’t know that universal rule that a hotel located in a not so urban area, no matter how many amenities it may offer, will always make you feel more helpless than it really has a right to. I simply chose not to ask a stupid question [“do you guys have room service?”] and am being punished for it as a result [I am starving]. No, it’s not like I lost my will to stand and walk around - although more than 24 hours in Albany might have that effect on some - but it’s sleeting out. Sleeting or icy raining or wintry mixing. Basically, miserable is coming out of the sky and walking on the sidewalk is like wading through a giant frappucino.
And I don’t have my bike. Not that I would ride it on roads that are starting to look like rivers of slushy diarrhea, but because - as the saying goes - when the going gets fucking icy out, the real roadies try to figure out the fastest way to make themselves puke while riding the rollers indoors.

A seasonal rite of passage where contrition for even considering participating in cross season is exhibited in the form of intervals, a bludgening market for trainer DVDs has emerged in the past few years that seems as varigated as porn. And with titles like, “Spinervals Fitness 2.0, Sweating Buckets,” and “Mindy Mylrea: Super Cycle: The Best Ride in Town,” the similarities between the porn business and the sweating on your bike business might not be so few and far between. It might be slightly awkward to watch at times [“what exactly are they....that can’t be real...am I actually supposed to want to do that?”], but how terrible could a training video be?

With that thought in mind, and a preference that is more Suicide Girls than Chasey Lain, I invested $10.99 of my hard-earned money to purchase Revolver, a video by the newest trainer video producer on the scene, Sufferfest. Available immediately for download, I was on my bike and rolling through a ride within 20 minutes of hitting “Buy Now.” And since that moment, I have been hooked. Like turning that shit on and riding until my legs shake, four days out seven, hooked. Hitting “play,” to a soundtrack that I now associate with suffering at a perceived rate of exertion of 10/10 in one minute intervals, for thirty goddamn minutes, I first follow a bunch of guys on a brisk ride, before heading vicariously to the Manchester velodrome for the Madison event, then onto the U-23 World Champs, the UCI Cyclocross World Champs, and wrap it up [my favorite part] with Tatiana Guderzo and the ladies. It’s excruciatingly hard - the first time I did it, I wanted to weep, then pass out in a puddle of my own puke - but it’s equally addictive: Revolver has become the perfect 45 minute escape from the snowy shitfest that is Boston.

This could be all because, like I said, I might enjoy making my life more difficult than it should be. Of course, it wasn’t enough for me to just schedule in a few Sufferfest sessions into my week. I had to do it on rollers, thereby forcing myself to sit through the sprints and savor the sensations of my ass falling off while I was at it. But like any cyclist - from seasoned pro to newbie amateur - will tell you, that feeling of despair and complete destruction after a hard workout can’t be beat. And when you don’t have 2+ hours, or daylight in which to ride, Sufferfest will deliver, kicking your ass good and proper so you can keep up with your crew, or at least feel like less of a lazy waste of space.
I can’t say I’m putting out 6000 watts yet, but I am working my way up to Sufferfest’s newest, Local Hero, which clocks in at 85 minutes of pain, intervals included.
God, I can’t wait.

[last] weekend in pictures

I rode...

Made a new friend [an 11 month old Great Dane named Juno]...

And showered [very Terry Richardson/American Apparel photo, no?] at NYC Velo...

Hopefully more of the same in a few days...

kitting up for 2011

I’ve often complained about the severe shortage of jersey designers who have eyes. At least for womens’ jerseys. Which may be one reason I wear my NYC Velo jersey with such pride. Okay, it could also be because it’s the only jersey I own that’s not summer weight. Red, white, and bearing the triangular logo that makes me look and feel like a superhero, my “three season jersey,” as I like to call it, gets zipped up over the only proper long-sleeved baselayer I have. Every day. That’s right. Every. Single. Day.
This can be called either disgusting, frugal, or both. But it makes for getting dressed fairly quickly. While others might peruse their massive collections of gear, unless I have my period and am therefore too busy complaining about riding rather than getting dressed, I can be ready before chamois cream hits taint.

But that doesn’t mean I’m immune to wanting a new jersey or two. With the 2011 teams falling into place and the curtain being lifted on quite a few kits, I was kind of excited about the whole thing. Until that whole Leopard [or LEOPARD or LaYpArD or whatever] thing.
I actually didn’t see the kit until a few days ago, mostly because I was afraid to. I saw the twitter storm it fueled; claims that it was exactly like Rapha, or, no, Rapha-influenced. Heavily Rapha-influenced. Allegations that the entire peloton was going to turn into some giant black mass that would also function as a solar power generator. Well, actually a black, white, and blue mass. And then we would all be confused because none of us actually have eyes.

...Jesus. I knew you guys were drama queens.
Okay, to be fair, Garmin-Cervelo and Sky, both of which have mostly black kits with a single stripe across the chest, may be difficult to distinguish. But how is anyone going to miss the almost-no-logo, allegedly Rapha-ed kit of Leopard? More importantly, how is anyone going to miss the deliciousness that is FabCan in, well, anything? Or at least a kit that can make Andy look like he’s been eating too many donuts? Although look at Frank. Boy lookin’ fiiiiiiiiiiine. Makes me want to lick that...kit.

Anyway, while we’re on the subject of crushes, because a good friend of mine has the biggest boner for Cav, can I just say: I am really happy for HTC-Highroad? Because now they can have a much sleeker looking kit without the weird fake abs outlined in yellow because whoever designed it might have thought they would need an excuse for Cavy’s butterteeth? Like “well, it was the yellow from the kit reflecting in his teeth,” when everyone would know that’s not true? Point being, I would totes rock that.

So 2011 looks like it’s going to be a year of simpler, understated designs, with an aesthetic that isn’t so in your face. At least for the popular teams. Except my favorite, my Tour wild-card-hopeful, apparently never got the memo.

When I first saw the new Skil-Shimano kit, I didn’t so much as scream as feel this sense of deep betrayal. The white kit with red stripes that have been the signature of Skil-Shimano have been replaced with neon green ones, justified as some sign of commitment to environmental sustainability. What? I mean, I understand that Argos Oil is a new co-sponsor, but unless “Argos Oil,” is read, “BP,” I don’t really understand this whole argument. Friends pointed out how “euro” the new design is, and how the new kit is awesome because the green stripes are really pretty random. After a few hours of staring at it, I see their point. Although to be honest, I’d support any team with a Japanese rider known for attacking, no matter how lame their kit.

And at worst, it doesn’t even come close to the monstrosity I saw in Peloton Magazine the other day. Unfortunately, I think the "hit list" means "this is a hit!" rather than "this has been hit with the ugly stick!" Because there's no way around it. That jersey is hideous. It’s almost like some sadist decided that, since there’s no UCI rule that requires female pro cyclists to get paid a minimum wage, they might as well make their lives even more miserable by making them wear this jersey, too.
Remind me to never aspire to become a pro. Unless Skil-Koga wants to pick me up, of course.
Note: pictures blatantly stolen from other sources, except the first and last.

engineered dreams and the uci

Man, I am so glad my new road bike was built before January 1, 2011.
No, it’s not only because my beauty is one of the last Crown Jewels to be made in Somerville, Massachusetts, by guys who are no longer at IF, but because - phew! - my 18 lbs. steel road bike might actually be UCI legal...!
I really did have concerns that it might be judged “too aero,” but - lucky me! - the new UCI approval procedure only applies to frames and forks still in conception as of January 1, 2011. Oh, right, what am I talking about, you ask? Earlier this month, the UCI announced that it will be working with bicycle manufacturers to conform frames and forks to UCI standards. The stated goals are understandable, and it’s not hard to see how this might make everyone’s lives a little bit easier. Though concerns have been voiced as to how the new approval procedures might affect competitve cyclists, as a former anarchist sympathizer turned capitalist [once you realize that people are not innately good, anarchy ceases to become a viable political framework...or lack thereof], my first concern was, “poor Trek/Cannondale/Specialized/Cervelo.”

Actually, more like “poor engineers with any modicum of creativity at Trek/Cannondale/Specialized/Cervelo.” Because the imposition of rules and approval procedures onto individual manufacturers is really going to suck for the bike nerds out there. Sure, it wouldn’t make for embarrassing moments when one’s bicycle is deemed “illegal,” like it was a pound of cocaine, not a goddamn machine, but it could also stifle creativity and innovation. As any intellectual property attorney can tell you [or in my case, any attorney who has taken an intro intellectualy property class], protection of innovation is a balancing act between rewarding innovation [by allowing the initial innovator to recoup his investment in inventing], and encouraging further innovation [based on what has been newly invented]. Without financial incentive, one theory goes, creativity will decrease significantly, therefore making everyone else worse off than if you just hadn’t screwed with anythng in the first place.
With me so far? Okay, good. Under 35 U.S.C. § 101 et seq., which governs patent law in the US, a bicycle qualifies as a “machine,” which is patentable subject matter. This is not new. Just ask Cervelo. Patent law is the only method by which one bicycle manufacturer can protect its invention, because, hey, copyright and trademark aren’t really gonna help you, right [leave aside the whole “well trademarks are protected by trademark law blah blah blah” thing, okay?]? There are several requirements for an innovation to be patentable, including “nonobviousness,” defined as a significant change that is not simply a “small, incremental improvement [this is very fact specific and obviously varies case by case]. The fact remains: you can patent bicycle technology.

But regulations limiting how a manufacturer can build a bicycle - for example, how aero is too aero - will most likely also limit how inventive bicycle engineers can be. I’m not saying that the guys over at Specialized or Trek are going to throw up their hands and give up...just that with no incentive to be truly cutting-edge, we may risk losing that part about super aero bicycles with electrical shifting that give bike nerds like me giant boners. Because, let’s face it, without the possibility of pros riding said super bikes in the Tour or Spring Classics, there’s no point in making them. There’s no marketing advantage, no rise in brand name recognition because you made a super bike that is useless under UCI standards. In fact, with a list of "approved products" and manufacturers planned, it seems highly likely that the opposite will happen; that manufacturers will focus on getting as many of their products approved as possible. No doubt this will result in creative ways of producing bicycles that are more technologically advanced and meet the standards, but we may never see the physical product - those complicated angles and flattened tubes - that you know those engineers are dreaming about. And that kind of sucks.
On the bright side, with no pros able to ride super bikes, maybe they’ll become affordable and normal non-pro peeps can snatch them up! Just make sure you don't, you know, race it.