Despite a calf that’s wound up so tight my heel actually hurts, I’m pushing, thrusting, alternatively gritting my teeth and biting my lower lip. Eyes closed, head tilted back, hissing in air and letting it out in trembling exhalations. Moving my hips just a little bit to the left, a little forward…right there. Right right there. Don’t stop; keep still.
Ohhhh, yeah. That’s the sweet spot.
Thighs burning, trying to savor that feeling of perfection…then my front wheel’s veering left, my rear wheel almost skidding before I can straighten the bars. But holy shit, I had it. That narrow slice of motionless, rolling perfection.
It’s an addiction. The one thing I hungered for on visits to NYC. The one thing that had me hopping on a bus back to Boston, to an apartment with no AC. The one thing that I know is going to keep me sane this fall.
Which is ironic, given how Sisyphean it is to actually ride rollers. Unlike trainers, these things require some semblance of balance, and assurances that “well, when you fall off, you kind of just stop and tip over” are actually more terrifying in real life than it sounds. Especially when that actually involves bashing into the doorway first. It doesn’t not hurt.
Then again, it’s sort of like law school. Studying endlessly, trying to stretch the days and hours that are never enough, just to stay right where I’ve always been on the sliding scale of competency [as always, measured by grades]. The only obviously tangible reward being the glimmer of a degree and the hope of a bar card.
But maybe it does all make sense. Because physical pain – from my heinous saddle or otherwise – is much easier to understand and work through than the kind that law school will hand you. That mental crushing and breaking that feels like a bomb went off in your head while your heart and brain free-fall into empty panic and you can’t even feel your face. An inexplicable feeling of desperation that can only be described as “fuck my life,” despite the fact that that might be the biggest understatement made.
So while unemployment stares me in the face, I’m staring down that spot on the wall right under my Embrocation Cycling Journal Volume 3 poster [go get yourself a copy of Volume 4, seriously], pedaling, sweating, and making things hurt while other things go numb. My priorities are clearly a mess.
But hey, at least constantly trying to balance on those rollers means I’m also doing some power kegels. That’s productive…right?
I admire your dedication to riding indoors.
I spent a lot of time on the trainer last winter, but it was clear that my efforts weren’t nearly enough once I was back outside. I read of a super bad-ass that rode through the weather last winter; that inspiration has me shopping for winter-specific apparel and cross tires that will fit my wheelset. I’m going to tough out the weather as best I can, and hopefully “fill in” with time on the trainer.
Rollers have always scared me. Maybe I’m being ridiculous, but I have this fear of somehow riding off them into a wall going 0 to 20 mph in less than a second. Is it possible? I don’t know. But because I haven’t had first-hand experience with them, I’ve stuck with trainers.
I used a trainer for two seasons before I just to decided to screw it and ride through the winter. It’s really not so bad if you have the right clothing. My average speed in cold weather was at best two thirds of my spring/summer/fall speed (due to a combo of badly plowed roads and lungs that don’t handle the cold all that well), but I felt much more fit going into spring and could handle cold spring mornings much better than the past few years. I highly recommend it.
Also: no need to be a bad-ass. Anyone can do it. Castelli (and others, I’m sure) makes a set of gloves that can be layered on top of another set. Wearing two sets of gloves, two sets of socks, etc. really helps. I also used slightly wider tires and lower pressure – it seemed to give me more grip over snow and ice, but that could be my imagination.
Also, make sure to carry at least two spare tubes. I got caught out once when the valve off my spare broke and I had to take the subway home – if I hadn’t had that subway option, I would have been screwed since I was only wearing a light cycling jacket. I was really freezing by the time I got to the subway…
matthew — lol. thank you, and i am no bad ass. i only commuted and ran errands on the bike over the winter. it takes dedication to get on rollers/trainers in any season and to keep at it. i’m hoping to emulate you this winter and ride the crap out of those things.
chris — the rollers aren’t too bad; they’ve taught me a lot about balance and trusting the bike. no flying off, yet; and i’m still not used to stopping abruptly when the wheels shift off the rollers. and then smashing a thigh into the doorway. as for gloves, i cannot live through a new england winter without pearl izumi am fibs. they are amazing.